Jaded
Remember why you’re here. Remember what you value. Decide what your ‘meaningful suffering’ is and don’t waver. For if we do, we too may one day find ourselves running down the hall, away from the very reason we decided to become doctors.
While nontraditional paths to medicine come with their own unique perspectives and hurdles,
often overlooked are the nontraditional experiences that color our paths once we make it
through the medical school doors. Whether it’s questioning our motives or finding purpose while
blundering through the hospital halls, the off-book lessons we learn as med students are often
the most valuable, and deserve some time in the spotlight. With this in mind, Christina’s column
seeks to unpack the anxiety and find the humor in pursuing a notoriously tough career path.
Remember why you’re here. Remember what you value. Decide what your ‘meaningful suffering’ is and don’t waver. For if we do, we too may one day find ourselves running down the hall, away from the very reason we decided to become doctors.
As soon as I let the door close quietly behind me, I turned to face the glaring, rude fluorescent lights of the OR foyer. I felt my pupils constrict against their offensive shine as I ripped down my mask to suck in as much oxygen as my deflated lungs possibly could.
The OR charge nurse looked at me then looked through me the moment she saw the gray ‘Medical Student’ tag dangling below my photo ID on my scrubs.
Well… at least I can’t embarrass myself if I don’t exist, I thought. For some cursed reason, I began feeling all normal sensation return to my toes and fingers — dizziness subsiding, breaths relaxing.