Contributing Writer
Sackler School of Medicine
Michael Simon is a 3rd year medical student at the Sackler School of Medicine located in Tel Aviv, Israel. He plans on pursuing a residency in Radiation Oncology. In his 'spare time' he enjoys spending time with his wife and daughter, history and traveling.
The counting of compressions permeated the air as we anxiously stood by hoping to see any sign of life. We were trying to save Adam, a young Israeli-Arab who was on our inpatient service due to complications after his hemicraniotomy. He was hospitalized for nearly four months and his vital signs never stabilized, despite our rigorous and numerous treatments.
The beginning of third year clerkships is an exciting time for medical students. The first step of my licensing exam was finally behind me and now I could focus on applying the knowledge into a clinical context. I had heard a lot of stories about the third year of medical school. Perhaps what stood out most were the reflections shared with me when people witnessed death for the first time. From full codes to hospice patients, something about death seemed to draw out the most intense emotions and thoughts that can change lives forever. Although I always try to do the best for my patients, I knew it was inevitable that I would come across death. I wondered what profound thoughts and reflections I would have when I experienced it for the first time. It wasn’t too long before I was called to do CPR in the emergency department and I found it did not play out as I expected.
They’re out of place in dirty Crocs and wrinkled sweatpants. More notably, she’s wiping tears from puffy cheeks. It’s a sharp contrast to the nurses, who are too casual. One makes a remark to the other about a tangled tube. They always get that way. The other chuckles.
My first rotation as a third-year medical student, I met a man who will forever influence the way I approach my patients. He had come to the hospital because of rectal bleeding and was ultimately diagnosed with colon cancer. As I got to know him, I learned that he had fought in two wars, started a successful business and was married for more than 50 years. And he was enormous, six-foot five-inches and 280 pounds, with a voice that reminded me of Lee Marshell — think Tony the Tiger and the guy who sang “You’re a Mean One, Mr. Grinch.”
A 45-year-old with no past medical history presented to the emergency department with altered mental status. He was found face down in his driveway with no memory of an inciting event, or of his ride to the hospital. In the emergency department, the patient revealed that for the past two months he has experienced headaches, dizziness and left-sided weakness. On a hospital admission two months prior the patient reported similar symptoms but left against medical advice before any meaningful diagnostic testing could be conducted.
One after the other, day after day it seems, I find myself in a room where the resident is breaking the news of terminal cancer to my patients and I feel an overwhelming sadness belied by numbness. It has only been a week and a half on internal medicine and we have already diagnosed three unsuspecting patients with cancer.
Although there is really never a right time to die or even witness death, it is important to acknowledge that death is a reality, and one to which all health care practitioners will be subjected at some point in time. For that reason, I raise the question: is there an appropriate time to lose a patient? From my perspective the answer is yes, and for good reason.
She had survived an avalanche and was now lying face down in the debris. Longstanding ischemic brain disease had triggered a seizure. The seizure stunned the heart causing a cardiomyopathy. The cardiomyopathy, unfortunately, exacerbated her chronic obstructive pulmonary disease (COPD). As her oxygen saturation dropped, she was intubated and mechanically ventilated. She was now agitated, restrained and delirious.
“You need to come in to the E.D. ASAP.” A new patient was admitted at 2 a.m. and requested for a crisis counselor. Back in 2009 when I was volunteering in New York City, unlike with cases of sexual assault, survivors of domestic violence had to specifically request for the presence of an advocate. This woman, I’ll call her Sadie, had already taken the first courageous step to seek help.
“The baby’s out,” shouts one of the labor & delivery residents as her hands firmly grab and pull the baby’s shoulders with the mother’s final push. A nurse holding the mother’s leg during the delivery walks over to the pediatric team and whispers, “cleft lip,” as if the baby had committed a crime. Instantly, we fall silent.
“To most physicians my illness is a routine incident in their rounds, while for me it’s the crisis of my life. I would feel better if I had a doctor who at least perceived this incongruity.” –Anatole Broyard. When I first encountered Broyard’s quote, it resonated with me on a personal level, as I was reminded of an incident that occurred on my surgical rotation.
She was a petite, otherwise well-appearing woman, apprehensively sitting at the edge of the examination table. Hoping to mask my nervousness about this first, intimate patient encounter, I inquired about the reason for her visit. She told me that she was here to discuss a hysterectomy. She shakily explained her two-year history of heavy, painful menstrual bleeding. She hoped that the hysterectomy would be her saving grace. The insistence on this procedure made me suspicious of stirring waters beneath calm surfaces, so I probed further.
Medical Student Editor and in-Training Staff Member Emeritus
University of Florida Fixel Movement and Neurorestoration Institute
Nita Chen is a current movement disorders fellow at University of Florida Movement and Neurorestoration program. She is Class of 2017 medical student at Albany Medical College. To become cultural, she spent her early educational years in Taiwan and thoroughly enjoyed wonderful Taiwanese food and milk tea, thus ruining her appetite for the rest of her life in the United States. Aside from her neuroscience and cognitive science majors during her undergraduate career, she holed herself up in her room writing silly fictional stories, doodling, and playing the piano. Or she could be found spazzing out like a gigantic science nerd in various laboratories. Now she just holes up in her room to study most of the time.
