They say that when you sleep, you formulate memories.
The last thing I see before I shut my eyes, are you part of them?
You are my most intimate partner,
The only one who shares my bed.
What do you think of when you watch me sleep?
Why do you not provide me with the safety I seek?
I try so hard to hold you close,
To fill in the holes, the gaps, in my wisdom.
When will I finally understand you?
How much longer do I have to endure your perplexing intricacies?
I will never master you, never navigate the depths of your entirety
Your omnipotent, pervasive presence.
You see me for all my insecurity
My fears, my doubts.
You see how hard I work to prove to myself that I belong—
But still you never love me.
My bed, once a place of romance, dreams, salvation
Now a place of torment,
No more escape. No rest.
Still, I let you in.
The first thing I see when I open my eyes,
An ugly reminder of my reality, a sweet glimpse of my future.
I blame you, First Aid, my only intimate partner.
The only one who shares my bed.
Author’s note: A poem I wrote to capture the newfound love-hate relationship I’ve developed with the most popular board review book, First Aid.
Contributing Writer Emeritus
Stony Brook University School of Medicine
I am currently a member of the Class of 2016 at the Stony Brook University School of Medicine on Long Island, NY. I am originally from Massachusetts, but I graduated from Stony Brook University in 2012 with a BS in chemistry and a minor in English. In addition to writing, I also enjoy a variety of dance forms, reading, cooking, mentoring and teaching, and spending as much time as I can with friends and family. I am a huge advocate for reflection and introspection, and believe that medical school should be an actively engaging journey. Though I am unsure what my future holds, I hope to one day give back to my community, and use my experiences to improve medical education.