Contributing Writer
Boston University School of Medicine
John Carlo Pasco (he/him/his) is a fourth-year medical student at Boston University School of Medicine in Boston, MA class of 2021. In 2013, he graduated from Stanford University with a Bachelor of Arts in human biology, and a minor in creative writing and poetry. He graduated from Columbia University in 2015 with a Master of Science in narrative medicine. He has had work published in McSweeney’s Internet Tendency and Medical Humanities Blog. In his free time, he enjoys reading and writing poetry, humor, and personal essays. After graduating medical school, Carlo would like to pursue a career in pediatrics and use his training in narratives in palliative care.
You were my first patient on my first inpatient rotation as a third-year medical student, which meant that I had absolutely no idea what was going on. I was mostly concerned with trying not to faint during presentations on morning rounds. I stared at your bowl of Cheerios, the cereal beginning to turn the skim milk a pale yellow. Your brow furrowed in annoyance behind your thick glasses.
A few years ago, I found CrossFit. Since then, I have spent a large share of my free time training and improving my health and fitness. As with any sport, there was a large learning curve. However, as I trained, my mind and body adapted. I made strides both athletically and mentally that I never thought were possible. I never imagined that this preparation and development would translate to a seemingly opposing task: medical school.
How could I study for my next exam instead of focusing my energy on the crisis around me? Was I selfish for still worrying about doing well in school while others died alone in the hospital on a ventilator? In these moments, I found respite in “Learning in War-Time,” a sermon delivered by C.S. Lewis to the students of Oxford in 1939 just as World War II began. In this timely sermon, Lewis addressed the chief concern on students’ minds: Why continue to study philosophy or science “when the lives of our friends and the liberties of Europe are in the balance?”
A first-year medical student’s stress and anxiety begin to take physical form as she navigates her first year of medical school.
A scalpel, a corpse — / His beard is neat, his eyes are / Empty. Gloves hide clammy hands / Afraid of what awaits beneath
You don’t have to sit in silence and painfully nod along with an attending’s racist, misogynistic lectures because you’re their medical student. You don’t need to pick the skin off your cuticles to stop yourself from replying. You don’t need to learn how to hide your grimaces behind your mask because you know you’ll have to listen to them attack your identity for the next several weeks.
You call me on a Thursday to tell me / You were diagnosed with leukemia in October.
Investigate. / Deeper, / deeper, / deeper: / To a depth of understanding beyond understanding.
Wake up a 5:00 a.m., / Cannot afford to be late. / It’s my first day of preclinical shadowing, / I want my first impression to be great.
When I began thinking of establishing an elective, I wished there had been a roadmap to follow to understand where to start and how to invest my time. Hopefully, by detailing my own process, which I’ve broken down into three phases, other students may feel that they too can take ownership of their education by developing something rooted in their passions for others to enjoy and learn from.
I didn’t know / many can’t / sip coral pulpy bitter / juice from narrow glasses.
Until recently, vulnerability meant weakness, allowing oneself to fall behind without a chance for recovery. Courage, on the other hand, had the opposite meaning: betting all my chips on prevailing at any cost.
Contributing Writer
University of Central Florida College of Medicine
Robert is a fourth year medical student at the University of Central Florida College of Medicine in Orlando, Florida class of 2021. In 2017, he graduated from University of Central Florida with a Bachelor of Science in health sciences and Minor in chemistry. He enjoys traveling, hiking, landscaping and personal finance in his free time. After graduating medical school, Robert would like to pursue a career in emergency medicine.
