A fog of emotions blankets the waiting room:
Stress and anxiety, with some impending doom.
A woman reaches across the table for magazines,
Wondering what this new appointment means.
A husband, wondering if they’d grow older,
Places his hand on his beloved’s shoulder.
When I see the nurse appear,
I sink a little further down.
I’m not quite ready to hear
What today’s scans have shown.
Almost a year ago from today
Was the first time I heard them say:
“You have cancer in your lung.”
That makes no sense, for I’m still so young.
My doctor tried to get to know who I am
But I really couldn’t give a damn.
All I needed to hear
Was whether my end was near?
She said, “We have options to try.”
I didn’t believe her and started to cry.
Since that day, a full year ago,
We fought with all we had.
Cycle by cycle: we tried chemo and radiation
Cycle by cycle: my side effects needed palliation
I knew from the start
My cancer won’t go away
The best we can try
Is to keep it at bay:
Keep it from growing
Keep it from spreading
Keep it from destroying
The life that I’m living.
We’ve tried all the treatments we can;
Once this stops working, there is no other plan.
I hang on to life as strong as I can.
I hold my breath, scan to scan.
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